Notes on being a widow in India

Hindus form the majority of the population in India. For a Hindu, widowhood means not only the loss of a husband, but lifelong misery and pain, suffering and agony.  They are the talk of the community. Yes there has been some modernization- i.e.  Women leaders like Indira Gandhi, plus the child marriage age was moved to 14 yrs. Old.

However,  even girls of 5 are married off to 75 years old (no dowry required),  and yet once she is a widow, she is forbidden to remarry.  There is no doubt that widowhood is more scary and painful than death.  Her sinfulness is thought to be the cause of her husband’s death so she has to lead a life of deprivation and misery. 

India women especially become the target of many superstitions and social attitudes. In traditional societies, especially in rural area, widowhood is considered as a curse brought about by some sin.  Even her shadow is considered polluting or offensive to the “cleaner” members of society.  A Hindu widow is not allowed to attend any rituals or celebrations that form an integral part of Indian life. 

The help is to be found in Scriptures for widows and the bereaved.  Works like

John 14:18 I WILL NOT LEAVE YOU COMFORTLESS. 

PROMISES in Isaiah 54 :4  “Fear not, thou shall not remember the reproach of the widowhood.”

6-7:  “The Lord has called thee as a women forsaken and grieved in spirit- with great mercies I will gather thee”

James 1:28:  “True relation is caring for the widows and orphans. “

Prov.15:25  “The Lord will destroy the house of the proud; but he will establish the border of the widow.”

Jer 49:11:  “Yet leave to me the orphans. I will save  them -your widows too trust me.”

Ps 16:9 “The Lord sustains the fatherless and widow” 

There is a vast difference between being a widow and a widower.  A widower is often economically independent.  He does not face social stigma, nor does this change his very self- identity as it does a woman. Note there is no word widower in the Bible. Very realistically portrayed.

As mentioned previously, the  word “widow” is derived from Latin: Vidua means divider or separator.  A widow is set apart- To be a widow is pure humiliation, and there is no preparation for what is the biggest most difficult and most challenging of life’s tasks.  There is a dress code that widows are forced to accept that aims to “ de-sex” the widow, and even some are required to disfigure her head by removing all her hair and is made to look ugly. They can’t even eat good food – in some cases they are allowed to eat only once a day and survive on a simple diet. In some cases she is allowed no spices, only bland food.  She has to eat before sunset. She must never sing or dance. She is to remain in seclusion and avoid all social gatherings such as weddings.  For the remainder of her life, she must remain an ascetic, even sleeping on a mat on the floor. 

Widowhood brings into its territory a number of socio-economic, emotional, and health problems. On the social front she faces a total change in her relationships. Some people act as if they are afraid the widow’s misfortune will somehow be transferred to them if they offer assistance.   A widow is shunned and ostracized as inauspicious.  She is considered as a bad omen. People perceive her very differently. There is  pure isolationionism. Loneliness is evasive. Because they don’t socialize nor eat well nor sleep comfortably, she gets ill often and dies early.

Mainly the widow’s condition gets aggravated due to a sudden stoppage of her husband’s income.  This is why microfinance could help to free them from the bondage of poverty living.